in the first place,
why'd you hide EVERYTHING from me?
if you don't love me anymore, tell me, i will understand and i will never blame you for anything.
or maybe this relationship is nothing to you at all? i don't know.
i treat this relationship so seriously just hopping that it'll last longer and prove to people that ive made the right choice and i wont regret it.
what have i done to deserve all this from you?
ive so much to talk to you& tell you everyday, but whnever i talk to you my mind went blank. i can't say a word out. it's soo difficult for me to even say hello to you.
each and every single bit of things ive done for you is really affecting the people around me.
i only can feel sorry bout it but i just cant do anything.
you might think that youre a burden to me, but from the start. i alrdy know that someday, somethings gonna happen to me, i wont blame you for this. i will neverrrr ever.
but i just want to know something.
do you love me? or, have you ever loved me?..
if you ask me that, the ans will be yes. i love you. i nvr though you'll treat me this way.
but if you ask me that now, i rly dnt know what to ans. it doesn't feel right.. just not right.
if you love me, prove it to me. i'm not your subtitude and i don't wanna be.
tired of hearing stupid explanation.
all along, i was wrong. i shouldn't have that mind of proving to people that ive made the right choice and we will last long.

i just need to know the truth,
have you ever loved me or not?.

the truth is always cruel huh?
but its not too late for me to know that he actually falls in love with another girl.
woaaaah, sounds more & more like a .. (idk).

I went for couselling on Wed. dn't ask me why, i don't wish to mention out.
Mom seems to be another person after couselling session. sigh\:
i'm worried bout her most now. :S
bought 2tops from i.p zone; trained to msl aft that.
meet Esther& went to get our Nf shorts, Esther got green& I got red&blue.
wanted green badly but mom doesn't like it.
fell dead asleep at 11.

Went out with Esther just now. Marinasq first, we had lunch at Fin restuant,
the fish&chip is oily, therefore Esther&I peel off the skin of the fish..
She had greenlips mussels. i think its gross.(to me).
went to Sasa and was stucked there for about 30minutes?
we tried alot of nailpolish, Esther got the bloody red and a blue one.
and i got a blue & a lightpink one. the workers thr are not friendly at all!
walked ard and decided to train down to Bishan. We saw someone, i think he's very handsome but Esther keep on thinks that he's starring at her..
I bought a bag, i dnt know how do you people call that. a longlong type, glossy type and its black in colour. yeaaa. its nice. finally i can dump my stuff inside.
So we went back to cwp aft that, bought tako(s) and saw JiaNing, i think she smiled at me but i'm sorry i didnt smile back! cuz' i didnt know its you aft Esther told me. (maybe she'll see this?:/) reached home around 6plus and supper with family at 515 at 10pm plus.

oh, ive heard the news bout the dragonboat incident frm mom&esther.
i feel sad for them.. sigh :S

IVE PINK NAILS NOW! awesome.

well, this part is basically crap, you can choose not to read it.
i really dnt feel a single shit after knowing he falls in love with other girl.
really, i seriously DONT feel anything. cuz i know its NOT worth it at all!
why should i be angry/sad about it? haha, ive greatfriends supporting&helping me out.
and cheering me up whn i feel sad, -thk guys.
all along i knew he wasn't the one i can trust&love.
i regret losing afew friends cuz' of him. i think its not worth it.
yeaa, esther,kh,bro,dajie&dad is right. i can always get a better one.:D
now its all going to be over soon, yeaaa.
okay, smilesmile liming.!

i'm addicted! rly addicted to animeeees! :S
finished watching Canvas 2 like fi-na-lly.
I can't wait for moreeeeeeee!
Fuko-chan&Dango is love:D

maybe meeting esther&ashley tmr, i guess? (:/)
byee.

(youdnthavetohidethingsfrmme,nomatterhowhardyoutrytohidethings.
iwillalsofindouteverythingeasily.)

tata~

Today ain't my day. I'm unlucky. :/
I'm motherfucking careless!!!! Shit me!
My mom happily pass me 50$ today, and i put it in my wallet and went out happily.
I DONT KNOW HOW THE FUCK THE MONEY FALL OFF FROM MY WALLET.
OHHH MY GOSH, 50$! I can buy sooo much stuff with that 50$!!! ARGH!
and now it just flew off LIKE THIS! When I reach home today and tell my mom bout this,
she shouted : WHY ARE YOU SO STUPIDDDD?! CANT EVEN KEEP MONEY PROPERLY!! (in chinese.)
Damn, I'm really stupid!! ARGH. I can't stop blamming myself man. Zzzz!

Fell asleep halfway while talking to Marcus on the phone last night, he fell asleep too D:
Woke up at 12plus.. had lunch and watched tv while waiting for him to call me..
Went out around 2plus? Walked to Alfrey's house. When we reached his house, we were standing outside the lift, and Marcus handphone dropped down to the gap inbetween the lift(LMAO.) 6th floor leyyyyy! :S They went down to get it, and booom! the screen is damage badly! Poor handphone-.-"
slacked there and Marcus did his tattoo touch-up stuff or whatever shit.
HE kept snatching away my Ez-link card, and my face is sooo fking ugly! -.- Brandon, Shanran, KianHui & GuanYi came after that. Left Alfrey's house around 6plus. D:

I'm going to walkkkk around with Esther on Thurs, and we're getting NF shorts:D
YAYYY! NF SHORTS, HERE I COMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
I want Steamboat ley!~-.-
& IVE TO GO FOR COUSELLING ON WED. FUCKKKKKK :S.

Whatever it is, life is noooot fun anymore! :/
cuz' i've no cash left.......... *cries*

edited/
i'm addicted watching anime...... shietttttt:(!

I wanted to blog happily,
i can't now. i don't have the mood to blog.

Friday, woke up around 7plus and Dad drove us(mom,kor&i) to somewhere around Redhill.
for kor's army checkup stuff, waited all the way till12plus. thn cab down to Taka, walked around and kor bought a veryveryvery nice branded top. 85$, i bought a veryvery nice branded tee at 65$. walked around and wanted t walk to fareast, we walked the wrong way.. so we decided to train down to Bishan, walked around there and saw a Zinc bagpack, like it alot. gonna get it on Monday.
Dajie thn came and meet us, she drove us to Pasir Ris, to check out the price for the chalet stuff. we wanted to book but it's already full, we went to East Coast then, booked the double floor's room. 3d2n on 12,13,14dec.
went to somewhere and ate the very popular Chicken chop, FATS AH! but can't resist..... :S went to Bishan to look for Dad, prawnfishing fr 2hours. drank a can of Carlsberg and my face turned red. very red, lol. Joked with old uncles there, they're nice.
reached home around 9plus, chatted with Marcus from 1+ till 3.30.

Saturday, woke up around 2 going 3plus. totally forgotten about the movie, forget it, my bad. Sorry Marcus. i rotted at home the whole day, went down to vista around 5plus to have dinner, 11plus for supper.. saw Gary Aw and some ahbeng kept staring at me. whatever?\:

seriously, i hate liars(include myself).
i mean like, who don't hate liars? i must admit i'm a liar too. so i hate myself.
but why must it be the one i love the most lie to me something which is not-so-nice?
i don't like you talking to her, i really hate it. doesn't mean i never call you means you can talk to her right, you can choose to do other stuff what. i think it's really unfair.
i can't talk to my friends, and you can. everything become my fault, but i don't think i'm the one to blame. it's not fully my fault. or maybe i'm just complaining much.
i hope when im talking to you, she's not in the line. if she is, i'm gonna go crazy.
don't know whr the fk will i be going tomorrow. my mood totally sucks now.
thanks yijin, fr you and your shoulder, but i'm okay.

I hope I'm doing the right thing.. :S
and things aren't going quite well.
i think i'm causing more&more problem.
it's all my fault, i shouldn't ask so much at first...
this rly made me suffer alot. sighhhhh!.
i'm sorry to lie to you, but i rly have to do this for the sake of me &you.

Sister came & talk to me just now..
seems like i'm being hated, so much.

4am now, gotta get some sleep. need to wake up VERY early tomorrow.. 7 i guess?
Movie tomorrow with Marcus&people? I don't know.

k bye. post later if possible.

(plsletmerest,imsickandtiredofitalready.)

I fell asleep last night while waiting for Brother to let me use the comp.
-__-

Anyway, yesterday was kinda great(i guess).
nobody back out last minute, Shirley came too.
so.. woke up around 11plus and went out to meet Jacky&Alvin.. Passed Jacky the money and went to RC to look for Marcus. sat there till 3plus? walked over to cwp to meet the rest and took bus to kimmy's place. Thn Alvin, Jacky, JY& I went to the Shengsong to buy charcoal, ice, drinks& etcetc. went back to the bbq pit and started to crap with Alvin& Jacky.. we didn't helped out much, after that we started eating. LiuJie is bad, i gave him some food&drinks when he's sitting alone and he didn't even bother to eat it! but he still ate afterall:)
there's was some clown-type music that freak me and lw out. so Jacky, Alvin, Lw&I went to look around to see whr th music come from, it was damn creepy:/
Was raining heavily around 9+? we played in the rain and the waterbomb fight was damn funny. I threw on Jacky's back, he threw me back and missed, Alvin thought I throw the bomb at him. he throw back at me. ON MY BUTT! and it rly hurts like fk-.-
After that, everyone started to leave, 3 of us(alvin&jacky) wanted to walk over to Fragant, but it's raining, so we went fuchun CC, went into the boys toilet... LOL.
then i walked home in the rain alone. thr's a bangala looking at me for a long time........
i swear i almost cried. but i didn't afterall, reached home around 10:30.. bathe and was feeling damn cold. argue with my mom and i slammed the door. lol. was smsing with Marcus halfway and I fell asleep.. Mom took my handphone away again. like what the fuckkkkk!
shouldn't have fall asleep-.-

I rly rly rly rly rly rly hate this.
the way you look at her, the way you talks to her, the way you worried bout her, the way you scold her, the way you tease her, the way you disturb her.
I JUST HATE ITTTTTT. argh. why cant you spare a thought for me............
I feel like I'm the extra one. or maybe I am just the extra one\:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU DEAREST KIMMY SISTER!
Stay cute! Our sistership will never ever end:D
Love you! & Seeya later on! x3

Trust me okay, people!

Please cancel away the third one.. I don't want anything to happen.
I feel very innocent.. \:

Happybirthday to my dearest Boyfriend!♥ :D
ILOVEYOU♥! Muahhhhzxxzxssxzxszxzxs.
Aha, see ya later!
loves:D

-edited-

BACK! Enjoyed 45% of today. :/
Slept at 1am+ yesterday night.
Woke up around 8am+? Wen 515 with Bro to have breadfast. He sent me to Vista and he head off to work. Then went to sit under my block & took cab down to Marcus house.
Reached there, was talking to Kimmy. Thn Kian& Jianing came, we walked to Cwp. Meet the rest and saw Elgene, ChiMeng, YiCheng&WeiXiang:). Thn took train down to DG. Walked around and watch them race car(bored). Then Celina&I went over to see Kian&Hensel play machine game(fighting stuff?\:). Laughed alot and then trained back to Woodlands around 5.10.. Reached Woodlands late and I rushed back home to meet my Cousins.
Saw my aunt&Mom while walking back home, they told me Cousin had already went home, so aunt drive us to Vista, saw Marcus. Lol! Then had dinner at Vista, walked home..

BBQ tomorrow!! I can't wait anymore! *smile* Hope Alvin go tomorrow.... :(
No him no fun sial. Hah :S
Enjoyed my day a little though. Thanks YiJin for making me smile.

Once again,happybirthday my dear! iloveyouuuuu x1000000:D
hope you enjoyed your dayyyyy. and the monkey! teeeheeee! loves.
Blog tomorrow! Byebyebyebyebye(:

My day was great.
Thanks to YiJin & Melisa (:
Woke up at 10am+ and came online.
Chatted with YiJin& Melisa, then decided to meet out with YiJin.
Long time since I've met out with him, finally i've got a chance to see him. Went Cwp to meet up melisa and we walked around while waiting for yijin. thn I bought something nice for Marcus's birtday. A monkey! it's really a cute one. melisa thinks that toooo!
yijin reached around 2:30?
trained to Bugis and went Bugis street to get my stuff. Cuz' I dnt want yijin to wait:). bought a redcardigan& a littlemissbad tee. melisa bought littlemisssunshine.
thn trained back to woodlands, was sms-ing with yijin on the train. he seriously rocks a million time! smile yijin! :D
thn yijin went off to 521 to look for his friend. melisa&i walked around and i walked back home.

bad news bad news! i lost my voice. fk man. (:S)
i'm going to hang out with yijin more alreadyyyyy! hehhh:D
mom, dad&bro, i love you:).

suddenly i can sense that something bad is gonna happen.. hope nothing will happen then.
yeaa, God bless.
and i hope that Tuesday will be a wellplanned and a great day.
pict will be uploaded whn my fking phone is willing to connect itself to my laptop. (:

Argh, i'm sick for 2days already.
Fucking sore throat! can't even say a single word on that day(forgotten when).
Now i'm coughing like shit!!
I don't dare to go out cuz' i look soooooo like a ghost now.
Caught The Game Plan with Mom just now, not really that nice.\:
I'm going out with Melisa on Friday! (to Bugis?) i think:S
I wanna get my cardigan! i want a black one now! (hope mom give me $ on that day)
& the top i bought from Bugis 2weeks ago, the button fell off! and i don't even know how to sew it back! I only wore it for once! argh.
Gotta go and look for his birthday gift. and and and, if I've the time, I'm gonna do a birthday card! all by myself! i did the previous birthday card 1year ago for mom. my hands are a little rusty now. hopefully, i can do a good and nice one.
i'm going Malaysia next month.. Mom pulled me along!!
I want to follow my Dad to Hongkong with his side cousins! WALAUUUUU:((((((
Dad says he'll try to persuade mom. shittttttttt this man. i miss my cousins lots:/
it's very late now. need to get enough sleep so that i can look at least like a human.
its just 4more days and i cant wait for our bbq!

I HATE MY FAMILY.
to the max!!

What kind of Family is this? You all said you'll help me&be there for me when I need help&you all.
NOW?
fuck, it's all lies.
I'm not going to trust you all anymore.

& now i'm helpless and i dont know who to go to.....! argh! :(((((((

winks;)!
Marcus passed me his Panda. (above)
He told me to take care of it.
You must take care of it also luh. :)

It's 1:15am now, I can't sleep.
I must sleep early and wake early to wait for his call tomorrow!
(I'll try to force myself to sleep).
-Nothing will happen. - This sentence have been appearing in my mind since this morning.
Yep, true. Nothing will happen definately.
I Love Marcus. (:

1 More Day - Cycling & Skating with Esther, Ashley & Faddy.
4 More Days - His Birthday!(:
6 More Days - BBQ.

I'm talking to Kimmy&JY on the phone now.
Everything is sooo complicated man! :/

I went fishing with my family yesterday. And we did have a fun time afterall.
Reached home around 7+? Slept around 1+. Started to think about crap. Felt really scared. Lol.
Woke up around 10plus today; sms-ed Marcus and meet him at Cavana.
Trained to Bugis with Marcus, Kianhui, Sean&Grace.
Walked around with Grace and she bought a dress, very nice dress.
After that, Marcus& I trained back to Woodlands. He left after that.
Went in the wrong train. & I got off at Yishun. Trained to Jurong East alone. Went to meet up with Cousins and went to Grandmother's house. Slept there for 30minutes.
Dad drive us to 515&had dinner.

I've no appetite this few days, I don't know why and whats wrong with me:/

{whats wrong againnnnn......?sigh,you kept hiding things from me.i rly wna know wht happen..}

i'm back.
hohoooo.

10more days; bbq everybody!(evil.laughs)
hope everything will be well-planned. & of cuz', everyone will turn up! Esp. Jacky,
hah:)
I went shopping with Esther&Ashley at Bugis on last Wednesday.
(something unpleasant happened)
Umm, manage to buy a top@ 20$, it's very nice anyway.
Esther went back home halfway. Ashley& I went to J8. Had Swensen for dinner.
Had a great laugh with her.
I went fishing with my family on last Thursday(8Nov).
A great time with them though it's boring.
& I went Bugis today with Mom, Bro, WG, WG's gf& Jacky.
Last minute ask Jacky out. Walked around and bought nothing.
Bro& WG went to sing K, left me, my Mom & Jacky.
We went to CWP to had dinner and went home after that.
Bro&I are addicted to Pushpop! I know it sounds lame:/
But it's nice(:

this blogskin sucks big time. lol. a tempo one i guess. (i'm lazy.)
booking chalet& fishing tmr again(bored). Jacky is coming along with me..
Bye!
(whts the prob with u? sigh:/)

mymomissofreakingselfish.

I'm starting to think too much again.
Argh, my brain is going to burst soon-.-;
Anyway, I'm Sorry Kimkee&Co. , I couldn't make it to the movie tomorrow.
I'm sure Shirley didn't mean it either. Please don't hate her.
There's actually work today.
Esther went out with her friends.
I can't contact Jacky.
My stomach cramp is killing me.
I went out around 12+ and came back around 4.
I'm very tired now. I've to go to work later at 5plus.
& I only get 25$. Cuz' I missed the morning session.
I'm going Bugis to shop with Esther tomorrow.
I hope I'll strike out some stuff from my wishlist by then.
It has been long since I striked out any stuff from my wishlist. :D
I hope I can meet him tomorrow. He's not online, argh!
Plus I'm getting back my handphone tonight, cheerios:D.
I'm going to rest for awhile and off I go~
I won't deny it, I miss Marcus.

'Love is just a serial killer.'

Yayyyyy !
I'm done with my blogskin.
and it's PINK! :D
(some people might hate it though.)
Spent 2hour searching for skin.
Found this and edited some. Ta-da ! I'm done with it.
Like finally. :S
It's 2:00am now(Mon). Slept at 5am plus on Saturday night.
I went fishing with my Family today.
We went somewhere for Lunch & went to Bishan.
Wanted to fish there but Dad says that the prawns there are too small.
So we went all the way to Pasir Ris, sat there for like 4hours?
My butt almost rot. \: Then Dad bought me & Bro to see the Puppies in some shops.
It's really very cute! I wish I could bring one Husky home!
Or maybe a Chihuahua?
Mom is still on the anti-pet mood. Sigh :S
Whatever it is, I'll try to persuade Dad to get 1 for me. (:

I really hope Mom will change the point of view soon. (quite impossible:/)
But I'll try to make it possible(:
And I also hope that things would get better each day.

It's my turn. Hah, Happy 4 months to Brandon & Joyce. (:

Woke up as early as 10am by M's call.
Met him around 11am plus?
Went to Vista and cabbed over to Sembawang.
They went to had lunch. & the others started coming.
Asked Gatti to call me to kill time. All the way till he's willing to come find me(:S)
Went in to the Cinema, around 3? Caught the Game Plan first.
But all of them wanna watch Unrest and it's M18.
We all sneaked over to another cinema and caught Unrest instead.
It's damn disgusting and, errrrr! M kept scaring me. Lol.
We didn't finish watching the show an the cinema workers started to chase us out.
Went back to watch the Game Plan. Seriously, if you miss the part in the middle the show would be damn boring. (indeed)
Bus back to Fragrant at 6. Bathe, Dinner & I fell asleep on the table.
I'm drawing! :(
& I missed chatting with M. Lol! I said I will online on 930pm.
It's 1243am now. ._.
My redmeimei is here again, fuckedup! Ahhhhhh!
I'm going to find Papa now. Bye.

Hope things would change and get better tomorrow.
I don't want my family to be broken. :S

Happy 1st Month.
I Love You (:

I'm going Bugis later with Weiny! Yang is not free.. :(
And and and, I'm watching movie tomorrow.
I'm broke. :S
Ummmmmmmmmm. I'm very tired, I don't feel like going.
Since nobody accompany Wein... Ahhh!
I will come home early.:D

Bye people.

i wanna smile.
i dnt mind smiling like a insane..
it has been long since i smile&laugh huh.
i feel very restless.
Thanks Dad.